Promised Land

About 18 months ago I left my family and everything that I had ever known and I entered the Mission Field in Lansing Michigan. I had no clue what to expect as I stepped off the plane and I was greeted by many friendly faces.  I often compare myself to Nephi and his family as they left Jerusalem and entered the wilderness. They went by faith having no idea what to expect only knowing that God was going to take care of them.

Michigan was my wilderness but it soon became my Promised Land. When my journey was over I then felt as if I were to enter into a wilderness again except this time with less trees. I grew to love Michigan so much it almost felt as if my previous life had never existed and that I had always been a missionary. This feeling made it hard to be excited about going home. Not because I wasn't excited to see my family. I was just so nervous and had no idea what to expect. I also did not what to leave the life that I loved so dearly.

I knew my journey was officially over when all the sudden mountain ranges filled my view. Trees no longer blocked my sight. I could see the windmills that were scattered across the land. I was back in Idaho. It was a beautiful sight. So many emotions washed over me as it hit me that I was no longer in Michigan and when I got off that plane everything was going to change. 

A question I often get asked is, "how are you adjusting." I am never quite sure how to respond. I still miss having a companion. I want so badly to have the missionary schedule back as well as knowing what I am suppose to be doing every second of the day.
My family is being so patient and loving as I am constantly inviting them to do things with me that I can clearly do on my own. They don't complain when I turn off the radio or randomly ramble off a mission story. They are okay when I decline their invitation to watch a movie with them.
So to answer the question of my attempts to adjust, well... I am fighting it. I still try to be a Sister Missionary in every way possible. I work at Deseret Book so I wear a skirt to work and I listen to church music all day. 

I would love to say that I am winning the battle but I am not. I feel like Peter a lot of the time when he tries to walk on water. God has given me a new adventure and I keep trying to live in the past. I am sinking. I have been doubting what the future has to hold for me. I catch my self thinking that nothing could be better than my mission, so why try?

Satan never stops working on us. He knows how precious my mission is to me and he is sneakily using that mindset as a tool to hold me back, Thank heavens I have recognized that. Now the next step is to move on. I need to make friends and create memories and enjoy this precious time I have with my family. I can have more than one Promised Land. God sticks us in wildernesses and gives us an opportunity to turn it into a Promised Land. A place we love to be.

There is missionary lingo for ending your mission. We always say that we "die" When we enter the mission we are "born" and when we leave we "die". I am not dead. I am choosing to live and I hope that through my experiences I can help other RM's live as well. This is only the beginning. It is a new adventure and though it may be hard it will all be worth it. God always has so much more in store than we could ever imagine. 

I will never forgot all the wonderful experiences I had in Michigan. They will always be the foundation of my testimony but I know that there are still more wonderful experiences to be had here in Idaho and wherever else I end up. I am so grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who has a plan for me. He has not forgotten about me just because I have taken my name tag off. He is still there leading and guiding me. This is not the end.